The Beach

"Go to the beach and have some fun," they said,   

"Don't stay in!"
"Go to the beach and relax instead."

So I packed my brolly and my picnic hamper too,
And zoomed off for the day,
In my trusty two door Subaru.

Now it was very hot and humid on the beach that day,

And I scanned the heaving crowd,
With an increasing sense of dismay.

For this was not what I had in mind.

I had come to the beach with a book,
To relax, recharge and unwind.

But I decided to make the best of the summer sun,
Even as the sweat began to trickle down my bikini,
And tickle my bum.

I marched across the beach as if I didn't have a care,

Trying to kid myself,

As I sashayed along with hip swinging flair.

Now I don't know why I insisted upon wearing heels that day,

It makes a girl look slimmer,
What can I say?

But as I sank ankle deep into the sand,
I heard people laugh,
At the craters that opened and closed,
As I staggered on past. 

When I finally made my way to the only vacant spot,

And tried to hoist my brolly in the sand,
The wind whipped it away,
And it nearly wiped out a small boy, a family and an elderly man.

Now I began to despair,
For sun screen had congealed on my skin,
And mixed with sand,
Had caused some rather embarrassing chaffing.

And just when I thought I could finally relax,

My new beach chair gave a little groan,
And then it collapsed!

I crashed in a heap,
And lay face down in the sand.
When a gentleman raced up,
I gladly accepted his offer, as he kindly took me by the hand.

But as I brushed off the sand,

I felt an uncomfortable breeze.
Only to find that my bikini,
Was dangling down at my knees!

I felt embarrassed horror creep up into my face.

And when I looked up,
I saw the horror mirrored in his eyes,
As he stumbled away in distaste.

It was then I made a dash for my trusty Subaru.

Only to find I'd been issued with a ticket.
Oh and not only one ... but TWO!

So if you plan to head for the seaside in your summer break,

Forget the hassle of the beach,
Grab your hamper and head for the LAKE!!