Skinny Jim

We inherited a dog to guard the house,
And we named him Skinny Jim.

But he's never outside for long,
Before he wheedles his way back in.  

We feed him tasty treats just to add a little fat,
And he wolfs down every little bit,
But he’s still as skinny as a rat.

Now he is a lovable little scamp and we do love him so,

But there is a limit to just how far that love can go.

For he sleeps on my side of the bed, 
With legs stretched as far as they can go.

All snug and warm he reclines with his head ...
Resting neatly on my best floral pillow!

He gets all huffy when I try to squeeze my way into bed,

And he looks at me disapprovingly without even lifting his head.

He glares at me with a woeful expression that's full of gloom,

When I tell him that his bed is actually out back in the laundry room.

I took him for a walk yesterday and tied him up while I went to the shops,

But when I returned he was off,
With a mouth full of the butcher's tastiest chops.

The butcher stood on the footpath angrily waving his fist,

As I ran past apologizing, I pulled out a $5 note...
Hoping that it would cover it.

Now Skinny Jim stays at home, he cannot come to town,

The shop owners watch out for him, 
And they glare accusingly at me with a frown.

At night he sits with me with his head resting upon my lap

And he looks at me with those soulful eyes and I think,
"What a sweet little chap".

But when I went to the kitchen to make my bedtime drink,

I had other words to describe him ..
For the pot roast that I had left defrosting,
Had vanished from the kitchen sink!

It had completely disappeared, plastic wrapping and all.

And Skinny Jim?
I glimpsed his tail disappearing down the hall.

And as I raced after him I noticed a letter on the floor.

It was a court summons from the butchers shop,
For unlawful entry and theft of half a dozen sirloin chops!!

And if that wasn’t bad enough for one day  …
We faced further charges for contaminating the meat,
That he’d ploughed through, in his hurry to get away!

So if you are alone and in need of some company.
I know a little guard dog,
That can be delivered to you .... immediately!